Another one leaves the nest.

Child number 3 has left the nest.  He had been living on his own for several months now but still in the same town.  But now he has moved cross country, a 2 day drive, pursuing some wild dream that only he understands.  He had wanted to go for some time and the opportunity presented itself and he took advantage.

I feel sad, not unlike when his older brother joined the marines then two months later his older sister went off to engineering school. Somehow this feels different.  Deep down I feel like this Man-Child will discover that he wants to stay in this part of the country permanently.   The two oldest were far away during their training and studies, but I knew deep down they would return.  They now reside in the same state, and hour from each other and 3 hours from me.  A comforting distance for mom, for sure.

However this is my 3^rd child. Maybe it has something to do with birth order.He came along 9 years after a set of twins. Having one baby to care for was simple.  He received tons of attention, was nursed on demand and was a bit of a mama’s boy. Yes, I know, not the best terminology but somewhat true.  Maybe this is why the family finds his desire to move so far away unsettling. We are a pretty close knit bunch. Most of us live within a day’s drive of each other, if not closer.  On the other hand he is finally expressing his independence.

I find myself defending his actions. His big sister and I had many conversations about the possibility of him going, never really believing he would do it.

I have said many times that if you are going to pursue a wild dream it should be done when you are young. Go West young man, go west! Do it before you marry, children, endless bills and commitments.  

Which leads me to the bucket list: Many of us have the infamous bucket list. There are even books on the subject:  Ten places to see before you kick the bucket. I don’t like the titles.  It makes it seems as if the life we have lived was not worth living, that if we haven’t seen these places then we have missed something. 

Child number 3 is making sure he doesn’t have to a bucket list or read one of these books in his golden years with regret. For this I give him my heartfelt wishes for success.   Not just because I am his mother, because he had the fortitude to set out on his own into the Wild West.

I love you Child of the West may you find success and remember the good lessons I taught you and remember to laugh, always laugh.

The Room of discontent

  It was Sunday afternoon, forced inside from my small patio garden by yet another storm cloud I dragged myself upstairs, full of fear and dread I knew what waited for me, my 7 year old daughters room.  The puppy came along happy to lend moral support and a nose to sniff out anything eatable.

  I’ve put off the cleaning of the room for several weeks. In my defense your honor, I do work 40 hrs during the week, have activities after work 3 of those nights and as for the other nights, I simply collapse in a heap.

  I cleared a spot on the floor, gave the puppy a giant hug which was reciprocated with an even bigger lick on the face, and started sorting.  Making piles of doll clothing, Barbie (she dresses better than me- darn her!), office supplies, is my daughter running an accounting service on the side? Well you get the picture.  I noticed while placing what I knew to be clean clothing on the bed that one of the cats was there hiding amongst the stuffed animals taking a nap.  He opened one eye and gave me a sly judgmental look, telling me this mess was my fault.

  How is it my fault?  I am responsible the contents of that room.  I purchase most of her clothing and toys.  I am the reason she looks at her room and cries when I tell her to clean it up.  I have “Mommy guilt”. She has too much of everything.

  I know how I feel when faced with an extremely long list of tasks or a day of endless appointments.  Think of how a child feels when faced with a pile of possessions and told to put it all away. Oh sure it was terrific at Christmas or on their Birthday, but it certainly wasn’t Saturday when I told her to clean her room.  It wasn’t a popular statement at my friend’s house this weekend when she told her 6 year old to clean her room.  I saw my own frown reflected on that sweet child’s face.  Her mother and I have had this discussion. We are causing our children distress by giving them too many possessions to care for. We in turn, are upset with them when they can’t keep clean their rooms or keep track of their belonging.Wasn't just a few weeks ago that my friend was complaining on facebook about yet another pair of dance tights lost in the room of  discontent?  It was the "millionth" pair this year. Yes, Moms we have over done it.

  I’ve seen many articles lately about living leaner, doing with less and not just due to financial reasons.  My oldest child, a self proclaimed OCD sufferer, swears that any clutter in your house is also in your head. It keeps you from thinking clear.  If this is true, is it any wonder my youngest child is bewildered when told to clean her room?  Is her head as cluttered as mine with the massive amount of belongings?

  I’ve been making a effort for the past two years to clean up my act, fix my feng shui.  I have been getting rid of clothing I haven’t worn for over a year, purses that while pretty were never practical and shoes that never fit properly. (Hello- My name is _____ and I’m addicted to Shoes)  I accumulated extras in nearly every category of household accessory; how did I get seven sets of single sheets?  And pot and pans, I don’t cook that much.  

  I am doing pretty well with this philosophy.  However, it is a constant process and you have to have everyone’s cooperation. The most difficult to tame is that little voice in your head, the one that says “ooooh!  That is so pretty… She would look so cute in that!” 

  If you have fewer belonging, you have less to take care of, less to clean, less to put away. Doesn’t this also mean more free time, a little more money? Okay that’s a stretch.  It’s definitely something to consider.

 As for my daughters room, I’ve been donating access toys and clothing, while making a conscious effort to buy less when she outgrows her clothes.  The room is looking much better and she is enjoying the new roominess.  Happy Feng Shui.