When I thought about writing this week’s blog, I wondered
which topic to pick: there were several.
My 16 year old's knee surgery immediately came to mind.. There were all the details surrounding a
surgical event: getting ready, time off from work, the logistics afterward having
an immobile patient needing constant care and general effects on the family.
There were other topics: a writing project I promised
someone that I did last minute, my killing of the vacuum (from lack of use I’m
guessing?) or the fact that Halloween is almost here and my daughter’s costume
is not sewn. My mother is supposed to be working on this project . ARG! Also my SIO is deep into a technical project
and has very little time to see me. Pick
a subject, I could write a book. Don’t
worry; I won’t.
For now, I’m having a
gigantic pity party of my own making. I
am consumed by fatigue and logistics of planning the events that await me in
the weeks ahead. I trying to be positive
but the negative me keeps slapping me upside the head yelling “Fail Fail
Fail!” I feel trapped.
I thought I had planned ahead for everything, I had it all
worked out. Sifting through the debris
of last week and looking forward for the next 8 weeks, I realized I had been
trapped by a few minor details. I was one “leg short”. I was over booked. There are the absolutes: work and meetings, commitments I made months
ago I can’t avoid. There are other
events, which I so wanted to attend and now seem impossible. Issues that I
thought I could count on others to take care of are now left to me to deal
with. It’s not their fault, mind you. It’s
really just a case of “leg entrapment”
I was talking to a friend who has 3 young children, the
youngest under a year old. We
commiserated together about the feeling of being trapped. Like me, she usually can’t
be dragged out for anything trivial. Lately the baby had been sick and wanting
to be held constantly. If something trivial has come up she has jumped at the
chance to get out of the house and escape.
We have yearning to escape,
whatever the reason, just let us out!
Saturday during a escape to the store, I found myself
enjoying the solitude of the laundry detergent aisle. I stood there quietly looking over each brand
of detergent like a scientist doing research.
Several minutes passed, no other customers came down the aisle. My mind began to wonder; did I really need
laundry detergent today? What did I have
to tomorrow? And the next day? I could
see my schedule like a hologram projected against the detergent display
shelves. I was beginning to feel trapped
again when a familiar face appeared in my sight. A friend rescued me. After a brief conversation she reminded me
that I could only enjoy the solitude of the laundry detergent aisle until
closing. I reminded her that the store
was open 24 hours. “Well, I guess you
can stay as long as you like.” I
returned to my solitary research on laundry detergent.
So what is the answer?
How do I overcome this feeling of entrapment and failure to foresee future
details? I don’t know. Something isn’t going to get done; something
isn’t going to get written; someone is going to be picked up late; someone is
going to be missing an important “something” because I was too overwhelmed by
the details in my head to remember where it was placed.
I will get out of my
pity party head eventually and move forward.
And hey it will be Thanksgiving!
And Christmas! Gobble Joy Gobble.
I hope the laundry detergent containers are decorated in
silver and blue this year. It is so
festive.
Peace.
NEPB
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