Hair Plan

Note:  The blogger’s Cousin gave full blessing &  permission  to write of her Hair Obsession … I meant to say plan.

It all started when my cousin from the big "D" questioned me on airline policies.  Was it possible to carry aerosol cans on an airplane?  She was extremely concerned about bringing her brand of hair care product on the plane for her upcoming visit.  I laughed.  I had warned her she would be visiting a much smaller town:  1,000,000 vs 420,00 (60% being college students) “We have hair spray “ I told her, “ just little tiny bottles for little tiny hair dos”.

I hadn’t seen my cousin in 20 years, sad fact.  We had kept in touch by social media and phone as physical distance and the momentum of life kept us apart.  It was finally time, Hairspray or not.  She was finally throwing in the towel and visiting the southern branch of the family.

Friday morning I realized this woman doesn’t throw any towel to the wind; she packs it.  I was standing in the bathroom door chatting while, hair wrapped in a towel, started to rant about her hair. 

Now hair is a touchy subject with me.  I don’t feel the love, pride, responsibility …. whatever.   I don’t own it.   The last time I had my hair trimmed I walked down to my hair guru in a freezing drizzle to find my “stylist” absent and had to settle for a substitute.  I plopped down like a humiliated dog subjected to a unwanted bath and sighed.  It was going to get ugly if I didn’t control my mouth.

Then the questions started simultaneously with the combing:  “when was your last cut?”  (I interpret-You are a hair slob) “what shampoo do you use?”  (You take horrible care of your hair) and so on.  Then the BIG one…  “What is your PLAN for your hair?

I stopped looking in the mirror and turned my head to look directly at her.  “Huh?  I don’t make hair plans:  I ‘m just happy to have hair.” 

The woman who usually cuts my hair knows my history of hair..  I lost my hair to chemo treatments 7 years ago.  After 2 years of chemo, wigs, hats, scarves and being told that ridiculous lie “ you look good bald”, some hair started to come back. It took 2 years to get real hair on my head.  5 years to get any length.  I  now consider hair to be just that: Hair.  I don’t spent much time on it these days.  It’s not mine anymore. Sure it now grows out my head but other than protecting me from a bit from Winter cold, it is useless: thin, straight, a weird hue of my former self.  I color when I get tired of looking at that weirdness, spray it into submission with a ponytail holder when I am lazy: often.   I don’t spend any more than 2 minutes on this head that mostly looks like Medusa’s snakes will crawl out and turn you to stone at any moment.  Don’t ask me about my Hair Plans!

As I stood leaning in the doorway watching my cousin towel dry her head, I thought about my lack of hair plans.  She defended her right to hair care.  She had to have her special towel. “Can you believe I brought my own hair towel?” (does she think I have some contagious head disease?)  She explained It dried her hair quickly having a sponge –like effect.  This meant less time with the blow dryer.  And the blow dryer:  it had special attachments because she had to get the right effect for fullness having been born with straight, thin, bodiless hair.   (Hey! Me too- suppose we are related?)

My cousin however- takes her hair plan seriously.  Purchasing the towel, the blow dryer, did I mention the brushes?  There are 2:  depending on which section of hair she is drying.  She continued, explaining to me that she often travels with hair scissors because her bangs are a source of constant worry and need frequent pruning.  She wasn’t able to bring them on the plane:  TSA regulations being so strict.  I instantly dug around in the vanity finding a pair, needing to soothe her frazzled hair plan.    “Those might come in handy” She exclaimed happily. ( For bangs or protection?)  The hair plan continued. She applied her body building hair powder, “I use body building shampoo too! Can’t you tell! “ She laughed at me, laughing at herself as well.  I rolled my eyes at her.

Now I am no stranger to these products.  In a weak moment I gave in and tried a few.  The effect was so temporary, I gave up.  I retreated once more to my mantra “Its only hair”.   I am envious of those women who have determination to continue.  More so to those with the hair that doesn’t require such maintenance.  I’m pretty sure most long for the opposite hair of that which they have been given. It’s the statement heard in women’s dressing rooms throughout the land.  “I hate my hair!”   “I want my hair to be this way!”  There is a billion dollar industry to convince us that we need to tame our to behave the opposite of whatever its current condition, color or texture.

From our conversation that morning I quickly deducted any highly time sensitive function during this visit was going to require advance warning so the hair plan could be activated properly.  I am, if anything a good planner.  Every hair event went according to plan and I must admit, my cousin's hair performed wonderfully.  Especially considering the constant wind we endured this weekend,

Special note to my cousin:  You do know that wind adds body to your hair, Right?  You looked beautiful and we so enjoyed your company!

Good Hair and Peace!

NEPB