The crash of Week One

The Earth shook on both coasts this past week:  the quake in Napa and me walking into a college classroom for the first time in 25 years.  I didn’t cause damage to buildings or destroy barrels of expensive wine.  Although putting a dent in a bottle of wine did cross my mind several times.

As I was leaving the office to attend my first class, my co-workers jokingly asked if I had my peanut butter sandwich for recess and hoped all the kiddies would play nice with the new kid.  I have been terrified they would not.

Entering the classroom a little early and seeing a semi-circle of desk set my heart racing.  You can’t hide very well in that type of set up.  The instructor sees all faces.  I knew ahead of time from the classroom assignment that it was a small sized room; you can be slightly unseen if the desk are in normal rows.  I just didn’t want to stand out any more than necessary.  It’s not my style. 

As students began to fill the desk, the instructor scanned the semicircle, back and forth.  Her eyes never resting on one particular person.  At one point I thought she did a double take when looking at me.  Maybe it was just me being overly sensitive of the fact that I am 30 plus years older than the average student.  It’s completely obvious, if only to me.   Again, me feeling out of place and being that “girl”.

Introductions were made and the first assignment began, students had to interview each other.  Oh geez!  I don’t particularly care for this type of thing.  It means we will be doing a group work later.  Thus the point of getting to know each other up front.   I don’t mind finding out information about other people, I just don’t like giving it away in a face to face situation.  Blogging of course is okay.  You don’t see me; I don’t see your reaction. (chuckle chuckle)

I heard their reaction when my interviewer introduced me: stating the obvious: second degree, 5 children, with 30,000 extra because I work at the University.  It’s a true statement.  I do consider their successes my own.  I think many employees feel the same: we are invested in their future.   This is a class of interesting young people with bright ideas, quick minds.  I found eyes bouncing around the room trying to following each comment.

Then of course there was the homework.  What?  Homework on the first day? It was piled on like a free all you can eat buffet.   Thinking of getting a jump start on the semester, I did the first assignment ahead of schedule and submitted it.  I have other deadlines in my other world. Wow!  I thought I was so cool: This was going to be okay. I had a strategy.

  I received a notice the next morning saying I had completed the wrong assignment.  Drat. Panic. Double Drat. Double Panic. At the time I was in my office and had no means of fixing the situation.  At lunch I went home and began working on the correct assignment, finishing it after work and making the rest of the family late for a birthday party for my 6 year old grandson.  Apparently the Giant Mouse in charge of the party was busy eating cheese in a back room and didn’t mind that Nana was doing her homework. 

Except for the births of my children, I don’t think I have ever been so tired and nervous at the same time.  My social life has suffered a little, the house is a wreck (perfect excuse right?), the dog is jealous of the space on the couch that my textbooks now occupy and my 11 is complaining that she doesn’t have access to my laptop. 

All damage assessments have not been compiled at this time.  A full report will be issued later.  One can only hope that the aftershocks will be minor, no more wine be wasted and everyone gets out safely, sanity intact.

If you want to help Earthquake victims, Please donate to the American Red Cross.

Peace.

NEPB

She bought the book.

The world is a busy place. I could stop there because that first sentence is enough for everyone to understand the structure of human existence.

I’ve been away from that place of social media.  I haven’t posted random thoughts, pictures of the kids, the dog although   she continues to be exceptionally cute.  I didn’t mention my kitchen disasters: there were many.   I missed my friend’s events, important events. 

I instead found myself needing a break to prepare to buy the book.  I didn’t write this book.  I feel l know this book.  This book probably knows me.  Still I had to convince myself to buy the book; sit down and force myself to log on  and buy the book.

I searched high and low for this book for the past month; campus book stores, used online markets, thrift store shelves.  I put it off till I felt I could wait no longer.  My friends began bugging me the other night at dinner, “Did you buy your book?”  “No” A big slug from my drink, “I will as soon as I get home.”  Eyes rolled around the table; all of them judging me just as I judge myself.

I start back to college in a week to begin work on a second degree.  Me, over 50, I won’t give away my need for wrinkle cream.  I have a demanding job, children, grandchildren, a Significant Other,  home, choir, a Life; all things I fear could come crashing down around me while struggling with assignments, course work.

The finality of buying the book was a giant leap forward. “Now you really have to do it” I told my Collie that night.  Her ears perked up, expecting a treat.    I will have to train myself better than my dog if I expect to get through the semester.   She will get a one of those special bones from the pet store when I get my “A”.  I will settle for the grades. 

Fear surrounds me. The image of me sitting in a classroom of twenty some-things with the brain power to take over the world is daunting. This generation currently enrolled in the University has intellect unmatched by none before them.  I have seen this first hand. I come in contact with these brilliant individuals every day of my working life.  To be put into a class room and expect myself to keep up with them makes my brain ache.  

Administrators, former professors;(yes!) Some are still here, and friends have told me that my life experiences will contribute greatly to my new degree.  Oh really?  Just how does that get the assignment done?   Will that help when my 11 year old needs help with her homework and I have a report due?  Who gets priority?   I feel the panic beginning to stir.  I felt it in January when my status changed and I became a student again.  I felt it again in April when I enrolled in classes for the Fall semester.

 It resembles that feeling you get before a full blown sinus infection: scratchy feeling in your nose and throat, not too bad, just a little irritating.  The next thing you know … BOOM.  You feel awful. Wondering why you didn’t seek professional help when you first felt the symptoms so you could stop this bug dead in its tracks.

Buying the book means I have accepted the BUG.  I can’t stop it now.  The only medicine will be to finish the course as prescribed even though the side effects may be detrimental.   It’s written on all medication labels:” possible side effects may include:  Irritability, inability to concentrate, sleeplessness, dizziness, etc…”

The book is set to be delivered in less than 72 hrs.  I will spend that time putting my house in order as if a special guest were arriving. My world is going to change; for the better.

Peace.

NEPB