The world is a busy place. I could stop there because that
first sentence is enough for everyone to understand the structure of human
existence.
I’ve been away from that place of social media. I haven’t posted random thoughts, pictures of
the kids, the dog although she
continues to be exceptionally cute. I
didn’t mention my kitchen disasters: there were many. I missed my friend’s events, important
events.
I instead found myself needing a break to prepare to buy the
book. I didn’t write this book. I feel l know this book. This book probably knows me. Still I had to convince myself to buy the
book; sit down and force myself to log on and buy the book.
I searched high and low for this book for the past month;
campus book stores, used online markets, thrift store shelves. I put it off till I felt I could wait no
longer. My friends began bugging me the
other night at dinner, “Did you buy your book?”
“No” A big slug from my drink, “I will as soon as I get home.” Eyes rolled around the table; all of them
judging me just as I judge myself.
I start back to college in a week to begin work on a second
degree. Me, over 50, I won’t give away
my need for wrinkle cream. I have a demanding
job, children, grandchildren, a Significant Other, home, choir, a Life; all things I fear could
come crashing down around me while struggling with assignments, course work.
The finality of buying the book was a giant leap forward.
“Now you really have to do it” I told my Collie that night. Her ears perked up, expecting a treat. I will have to train myself better than my
dog if I expect to get through the semester.
She will get a one of those special bones from the pet store when I get
my “A”. I will settle for the grades.
Fear surrounds me. The image of me sitting in a classroom of
twenty some-things with the brain power to take over the world is daunting. This
generation currently enrolled in the University has intellect unmatched by none
before them. I have seen this first
hand. I come in contact with these brilliant individuals every day of my
working life. To be put into a class
room and expect myself to keep up with them makes my brain ache.
Administrators, former professors;(yes!) Some are still here,
and friends have told me that my life experiences will contribute greatly to my
new degree. Oh really? Just how does that get the assignment
done? Will that help when my 11 year
old needs help with her homework and I have a report due? Who gets priority? I feel the panic beginning to stir. I felt it in January when my status changed
and I became a student again. I felt it
again in April when I enrolled in classes for the Fall semester.
It resembles that
feeling you get before a full blown sinus infection: scratchy feeling in your
nose and throat, not too bad, just a little irritating. The next thing you know … BOOM. You feel awful. Wondering why you didn’t seek
professional help when you first felt the symptoms so you could stop this bug
dead in its tracks.
Buying the book means I have accepted the BUG. I can’t stop it now. The only medicine will be to finish the
course as prescribed even though the side effects may be detrimental. It’s written on all medication labels:”
possible side effects may include:
Irritability, inability to concentrate, sleeplessness, dizziness, etc…”
The book is set to be delivered in less than 72 hrs. I will spend that time putting my house in
order as if a special guest were arriving. My world is going to change; for the
better.
Peace.
NEPB
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